


Take a Fall

by DarkPoisonousLove



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Compliant, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-07-19 16:34:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 17,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19977145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkPoisonousLove/pseuds/DarkPoisonousLove
Summary: A collection of drabbles inspired by a prompt list I found on tumblr. Most (if not all) drabbles will be Regina-centric. Expect a lot of ships (I'll specify which ship the drabbles feature if they do). Rating M because I may delve into darker topics or sexual content (I'll give warnings in the beginning of the chapters they apply to if necessary)





	1. Masks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in the Enchanted Forest. Regina-centric.

The mask was beautiful. Gold looked simply stunning when adorned with blood red rubies. But then again she had always loved the sight of blood red. Especially when she imagined how it would look on Snow White.

The images in her head were the only thing that could help her survive the entire night in the brat’s dreadful presence. At least a masquerade ball meant she wouldn’t have to look at her face. But what good was a simple mask when it came to eyes? And Snow White’s eyes were always so full of kindness and innocence. Kindness and innocence that had crushed Regina’s life.

She grabbed at her red dress, bunching the fabric in her fists, as she let the image of green eyes widening in terror soak into her mind until it became as vivid as reality. Blood dripped from the corner of Snow’s mouth, painting masterpieces on her flawless white skin and causing the mask of perfection to slip off.

As the life was drained from Snow’s body, Regina’s grip loosened and the fabric of the dress fell back into place like a curtain of rage, trying to conceal her bleeding heart. For a moment her facade slipped along with it and in the mirror watery brown eyes pleaded for mercy. But the Queen put on her mask, locking them away again.


	2. Mirrors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in season 6 when the Queen wanted to show Regina that she still had darkness inside her. Regina & the Queen.

It was like looking in a mirror. She went weak at the knees at the sight of The Queen wearing the same pumps as her. The copy of her outfit that was clinging to her copy's frame made her skin crawl. The custom-made one-of-a-kind necklace around her neck was restricting her breathing. Or maybe it was its duplicate adorning her doppelganger's neck that left her out of breath.

"See something you like?" The corners of the scarred lip painted in burgundy–the shade of her own lipstick–twitched up as the Queen fought back a smirk.

Regina's hand flew up and her fingers closed around her necklace, barely resisting the urge to rip it from her neck just to make a difference. Something to help her tell herself apart from the woman across the room. From the part of herself she had ripped away.

The spark in the Queen's eyes was something familiar. Regina remembered it all too well from the times that the only way to warm her own heart was to make someone else's blood run cold. And it was like looking through a mirror. Looking back in time.

Regina shook her head. "No. What is there to like about a broken reflection?"

"I am not your reflection," the Queen snarled, taking a few vicious strides until she found herself in front of Regina, flames dancing in her palm like a hurricane of rage.

"No, of course not. If you were anything even remotely close, you'd have something else to keep you warm other than your fire," Regina caught her hand and pulled it up where her doppelganger would have no choice but to face it.

The Queen drew back and the fire flickered and died as blankness settled over her features. "And what would that be?" she asked, her voice hollow. More hollow than Regina remembered ever feeling.

She swallowed. "Love," she said but the word almost got stuck in her throat. It was painful to get it out. As if it would rip her throat out when it left her mouth, leaving a scar much worse than the one on her lip.

"Love?" The word rolled off the Queen's tongue as if she was tasting it and finding the flavor displeasing. "You don't even love yourself."

Regina wanted to argue but breathing was again somewhat of an issue. Talking even more so.

"Even broken reflections can show the truth." The Queen pulled her hand away and the gesture burned worse than fire ever could.

Purple smoke filled Regina's vision. When it cleared, she met her own gaze in the mirror on the wall. That one was whole but the reflection in it looked just as broken as the one that had stared back at her from a shattered looking glass decades ago.


	3. Two Can Play That Game

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set in Neverland before Regina went to look for Rumple. Slight Evil Charming.

As unsettling as Neverland was, Regina’s touch was enough to incinerate any other thought in David’s head. She seemed hellbent on seeing him ill at ease, using every excuse to touch him, the smirk on her face–which only he seemed to notice–suggesting that she knew very well how even the smallest physical contact sent his mind racing back in time to an evening of delicious lasagna and pleasant conversation. Which, in turn, led to acid guilt in his stomach and bitter confessions on the tip of his tongue that he always swallowed at the last moment.

He hadn’t told Snow about that evening he’d spent at Regina’s home. He’d blame it on the lack of time for talking between crises or on common courtesy to Regina–frankly, it was not her most graceful moment–but the truth was he was too ashamed of himself to talk about it. Even after the Curse had broken and he had remembered what the woman had put him and the people he loved through, he would still think back to that dinner and smile. He would try to convince himself that she wasn’t the same woman he had laughed with–it must’ve been just pretense–but then he’d look at her and all his efforts would go to waste. He’d then tell himself that he wasn’t the same man who had given her a hand in time of need–he had been cursed after all–and right after that he’d go and help her again. Their dinner was one of his good moments, yes, but he was holding too tightly to it. And having her around so raw and genuine left him on edge enough without her trying her hand at unraveling him. She left him no choice. Two could play that game.

Every time he felt her fingers against the back of his hand, he’d bring Henry up. When her thigh brushed against his while they were sitting around the fire, his grandson’s name would tumble out of his mouth. Her touch would immediately disappear as if Henry’s name was holy water that had scalded her, but it would inevitably be back not long after, trapping them in a vicious circle.

One evening he and Regina were assigned with the task to bring fresh water. He would’ve preferred to go with Hook even, but everyone was aggravated enough as it was so he decided not to make a fuss. Regina was behaving herself for the first half of the trip, walking in silence, her mind somewhere far away it seemed. Her gaze remained distant when they reached the stream and David let his guard down which he quickly realized was a mistake when he felt her breath on the back of his neck, making the hairs there stand on end, and her hand on his back.

He spun around abruptly, stumbling in the process.

Regina reached out to him, a perfectly faked innocent look on her face, “David, what are-”

He caught her hand and pushed it away. “If you wanna practice sleight of hand, there are other ways.”

The smirk pulled at her lips again and the knowing look returned in her eyes. “Who needs sleight of hand when I have magic?” She waved her hand and he felt the cold evening air biting at his skin through his shirt as his jacket appeared in Regina’s hand.

He grabbed for it but she retreated, putting some distance between them. David let his hand drop at his side. He wouldn’t get his jacket back until she decided to return it to him. “So what now?” he asked, trying to keep all emotions out of his voice. “You’re gonna use your magic to undress me?”

“Oh, Charming,” Regina purred, “I don’t need magic to undress you.” She looked like a cat ready to sink its claws into a helpless bird.

“From my experience it doesn’t seem like that.” David crossed his arms as if that could protect him from her predatory gaze or from his own regret that he brought up their dinner.

“Look at you – feathers ruffled and all.” Her eyes sparkled with excitement that was both maddening and heartbreaking to watch.

“Look at you!” David’s voice came out louder than he had intended, but he was only gaining speed, stepping closer to her. “Scheming again while Henry is held captive by a-”

“Don’t!” Regina cut him off, taking a step forward. She hit him at the chest with the heel of her palm but the jacket she was still holding came in the middle and softened the blow. “Don’t mention his name.” The words were menacing but her eyes were daring–even begging–him to defy her, to start an argument, and recognition finally barged into his mind like a bullet to the head.

The memory of her fight with Gold when they had been about to send Henry to the Netherworld bled through to the present. She had had fire in her eyes and steel in her spine back then as well just as she had been scared to death for her child. She’d been hiding it well but he’d been going through the same – it had practically been like looking in a mirror. And the guilt came again, gnawing at his insides, because he hadn’t seen it earlier.

His hand covered hers, which was still pressed against his chest, but she quickly extracted it from his grasp, leaving him clutching his jacket.

Regina turned away, walking towards the stream.

“You could talk to someone, you know,” he said, fully aware that it wasn’t true. The general distrust that they all harbored towards her and she returned was getting in the way of simple cooperation. Not to mention sharing their troubles.

“What, we’re a support group now too?” she stopped and turned to look at him again. “We’re failing at being a rescue party. We couldn’t possibly handle another function too,” she kept her voice calm but the daggers she was glaring at him made the accusation unambiguous.

David shrugged his jacket on. He couldn’t protect himself from the ice in her stare but at least the jacket would keep away the cold of the night. He then walked over to her.

She turned her head to the side when he came to stand in front of her as if his mere proximity was offending her.

David didn’t let that stop him from doing what he considered right. “We’ll find him.”

Her head snapped in his direction so fast that he was afraid she might have damaged something in her neck. “Don’t you dare give me a hope speech.” But her eyes were daring him again–begging really–to oppose her and open his mouth.

So he opened his arms instead and drew her into a hug. She fought against it, punching at his chest and clawing at his arms, but he held on tightly and after a while her resistance ceased. The tears started falling from her eyes, leaving wet spots on his shirt, and the sobs started falling from her mouth, tugging at his heartstrings. And he knew that this–her whole body trembling in his arms–would haunt him forever. So maybe he couldn’t play her game. But it wasn’t one he wanted to play anyway.


	4. Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set between 4x14 “Enter the Dragon” and 4x15 “Poor Unfortunate Soul”. Dragon Queen friendship and mentions of Outlaw Queen.

She frowned at the exhaustion and insecurity she saw in her reflection in the still waters of the lake. She needed sleep but she had to keep her eyes peeled and her guard up if she wanted to be useful and not blow her cover. So sleeping was out of the question. And she missed Henry. Even more than she missed sleep. What she wouldn’t give to see her son, to cuddle him and have him tell her a story, give her hope that she’d get her happy ending one day. Her little prince. Her believer. She yearned to see his face. Maybe she could use the lake’s reflective surface as a mirror and sneak a peak. She hadn’t tried it before but it could work.

She outstretched her hand, summoning her magic, but halted mid-spell. It was too big of a risk. It could reveal dangerous information if somebody saw her. She closed her hand into a fist and withdrew it. She’d have to wait until her job was done before she could see Henry. At least she’d see him unlike-

“Something’s troubling you.”

Regina startled and it took her a few moments to recognize Mal’s voice. “Other than the lack of progress, you mean?” she threw over her shoulder, avoiding Mal’s gaze. She wasn’t lying. She hadn’t had much success in her mission. Yet, it was best to be safe and not risk sabotaging herself.

“Gold is going to break him.”

Regina closed her eyes and let out a breath. That was the other thing that worried her. She had to keep August safe and maintain her cover at the same time. She was starting to wish she’d listened to Emma.

“But that’s not what worries you, is it?”

Her eyes snapped open.

Mal came to stand at her side and Regina could feel her watching her. Like a dragon stalking its prey.

She turned to look at the other woman. “What do you mean?”

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?” Mal cut straight to the chase. “About Robin Hood?”

Regina’s lips parted in shock, her body turning a bit more towards Mal, who now had her undivided attention. “How do you-”

“Gold.”

Regina licked her upper lip, processing the information. “Why the hell did he tell you about Robin?” It made no sense. Robin had nothing to do with the author. There was something else going on. She’d had a feeling that something was wrong and it only strengthened now.

“He said that the fresh heartbreak could make you evil again.” Mal spoke, studying Regina carefully. “I guess he was right.”

Normally Regina would notice the bait but her mind was already racing and so was her heart. Her pulse pounded in her ears and red filled her vision. Gold had not only assumed that she would throw all her hard work to the wind and let down everyone who loved and supported her–like he had done–but he was also planning to take advantage of the pain she was in. Again. She could feel the rush of agitated energy under her skin and the fire begging to be let out but the tilt of Mal’s head gave her pause. She was caught red-handed.

“I’m simply doing what I have to to get my happy ending,” she said, trying to remain calm, but that bridge had already burned. “I’m tired of having everything ripped away from me.” She let the pain and desperation of the last few weeks seep into her voice and the mask of composure slip off. “I told you that.”

“You did.” Mal held her gaze for a moment longer and then turned towards the still waters ahead. “So that Robin is your happy ending then?”

Regina welcomed the change of topic–as painful as that one was–and the tension in her muscles eased. She contemplated the question. “He’s a part of my happy ending, yes.”

Mal nodded.

Regina couldn’t tell what was hidden behind the gesture – whether Mal wanted her to find her happiness because of the friendship that used to be between them or simply because she could sympathize, seeing that she was in search of her own happy ending.

“What happened?”

The question pierced her like an arrow. “What always happens.” Regina paused for a moment. “It ended up in ashes.” She chuckled bitterly and shook her head.

“I used to be in ashes too,” Mal spoke calmly as if not talking about her own demise. “Yet here I am now.”

She was right. She was standing right there, in front of her, breathing with lungs that had been burned to crisp and scattered on the floor of a forgotten cavern. She had risen from the ashes like a phoenix and could breathe out fire once again.

“That’s because you’re a survivor,” Regina said with tightness in her throat. She’d been the reason for Mal’s condition. Just like she’d been the reason why her mother had crushed Daniel’s heart. Not Snow. Her. Everything she touched burned down in flames. She was like a wildfire that couldn’t be contained. It had to be put out.

“You’re a survivor too.” Mal turned away from the lake and walked back towards the cabin.

“But the people around me aren’t.” Despite the words, Regina felt a little spark of hope warming up her frozen heart.


	5. What Dies Inside Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missing scene from 5x02 “The Price”. Swan Queen. Mentions of Outlaw Queen and Captain Swan. Slightly bending canon.

He was breathing. He was alive. And the smile was back on Regina’s face. The frantic panic had left her eyes. But along with Robin, something else had come back to life inside her. Some thirst for power. She’d managed to stay in control of her magic this time. Or so she’d thought at first. But what if the power had controlled her? What if it wanted to be released and she could do nothing to stop it? She’d saved a life today but she might have endangered everyone in the long run. She might have-

“Emma.”

She turned around and found Regina standing at the top of the stairs. “Regina?” She hadn’t expected anyone to go after her. Least of all Regina. She’d seemed too immersed in her soulmate to notice anyone else. “Why are you not with Robin?”

“Robin is fine,” Regina said his name as if she was trying to reassure herself that he wasn’t going anywhere. She grabbed fistfuls of the skirt of her dress and lifted it up a bit to make the trek down the stairs easier. “Thanks to you,” she said, her eyes fixed on the steps in front of her while Emma’s were on her. She stopped on the step above the one Emma was standing on and looked up, finding her gaze and holding it. “How are you?” The words were quiet and shy as if no one but the two of them was supposed to hear them. And some of the panic was back in Regina’s eyes that were looking at Emma as if she was something dear to her. As if they were secret lovers. But they weren’t. Because Regina couldn’t let go of Robin.

“You can’t ask me that after what happened in that room,” Emma snapped, her voice ricocheting off the stone walls.

Regina startled, drawing back as if she’d been slapped, her eyes now full of shock and a bit hurt too but not even a drop of confusion. Because she knew. She’d known since Emma thrust that dagger into the vortex of evil, saving her and sacrificing herself in the process. “Emma-”

“If I had refused…” Emma paused because Regina was looking at her like a lost puppy that had just found its owner. And she almost melted–like butter left in the sun–under the warmth and affection in her gaze. The anger was draining from her system but she held onto it because it was the only thing keeping her from turning into a puddle in Regina’s feet. “If I had refused to save him, would you have made me do it?” She had to know. No. She already knew. But she wanted to hear it from Regina.

“Emma, please,” Regina whispered, the desperation in her eyes stabbing Emma in the heart.

“Would you have made me do it?” she spoke through gritted teeth, pushing the blade even deeper into her own flesh, tears springing to her eyes. Maybe her love for Regina would ooze out of the wound along with the blood and if she survived, she’d be able to live a happy life. With Hook. Not before she heard the words from Regina though.

But instead of answering her question, Regina put her hands on Emma’s shoulders, drawing her in for a kiss. The softness of Regina’s lips against hers made Emma’s head spin. Her eyes snapped closed and she grabbed onto Regina’s waist to steady herself and not cause them both to topple over.

They stayed like that–without moving, without even breathing–for a moment although to Emma it felt like eternity. She was burning. The voices in her head disappeared, leaving her alone and screaming for help. She could lie to her parents and play house with Hook, be happy for Henry’s sake, but that kiss was how she died. Because she’d never break free from that curse. Hook had broken the curse of her fake memories but she had fallen under Regina’s spell. But Regina had fallen in Robin’s arms, leaving her to tumble into darkness from which Hook couldn’t save her despite his best intentions. Their kiss earlier had proven it. And Regina played Savior to everyone else but refused to be hers.

Emma pulled away from the kiss, taking a breath that felt much overdue. She opened her eyes to find Regina hesitating to do the same. She took her hands into her own and gave them a gentle squeeze, inviting her to look at her.

When Regina’s eyes opened, they were glazed over like they hadn’t been before and her voice was shaky when she spoke. “I love you.”

Emma stopped the bitter chuckle that was trying to escape her in response. She needn’t have given the dagger to Regina. She could kill her with words only.

“But I can’t lose him.”

It would’ve been easier for Emma if the words hadn’t been whispered, if Regina had casually thrown them into her face instead of sounding so apologetic. It would’ve been easier if Regina had admitted she didn’t care about her at all instead of telling her that she loved her. Just not enough. Because she wasn’t the man with the lion tattoo. She was just Regina’s son’s biological mother who had a stupid dandelion tattoo which she’d gotten on an even stupider impulse. And the most stupid thing was that she’d fallen in love with Regina Mills when there could be nothing between them. Because of destiny and because of who they were. The Evil Queen and the Savior.

“And I can’t lose you,” Emma said, touching her forehead to Regina’s and clutching her hands as if her life depended on it. She’d made that much clear when she’d sacrificed her happy ending so that Regina could have hers. And it was time to pay the price. “So I’ll lose myself.” She extracted herself from Regina’s grasp, which tightened but not enough–never enough–to hold her, and turned away, walking down the stairs.

Regina called her name again and again. But she didn’t stop. Not again. And as the sound of Regina’s voice faded, so did the hope in her heart too, dying inside her, burning out like a candle.


	6. Anonymous

This chapter is posted as a separate fic on my account because I'm planning to write a sequel to it. Here's the summary:

Regina finds herself at bar "Anonymous" where people usually go in search of one-night stands. Her friends signed her up for it and convinced her to give it a try, and even though she agreed, she's not thrill about the whole experience. Until she meets the person she was matched with, that is. No magic AU. They're just ordinary people. Red Queen.

And here's the link to it - https://archiveofourown.org/works/19999414

I hope you enjoy!


	7. Lone Wolf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No magic AU - they’re just ordinary people. Red Kansas/Ruby Slippers. Red Snow friendship.

She was alone. Machines were beeping, distant noises were coming from the corridor and Dorothy’s limp hand was in hers, but she was alone. Dorothy’s body was in the hospital bed, but she was in a coma. Seconds in an accident had taken her away, hours in different surgeries had kept her alive, but after months in a coma, she was still unconscious, unresponsive to Ruby’s voice and touch. Regardless of that, she spent every second that she could in the hospital, fighting with anyone who tried to move her away from Dorothy’s side, be it a nurse, Dr. Whale or Granny. She didn’t go to work, she cut out almost all contact with other human beings, she barely ate and slept anymore. Because nothing mattered anymore. Not without Dorothy.

It was in the late hours when the door of the room opened and Dr. Whale walked in. “Ruby-”

“I’m not going anywhere,” she cut him off without even looking at him. Her gaze was fixed on Dorothy’s face that remained frustratingly calm. She hadn’t seen her eyes or heard her laughter in weeks and she missed them. She was ready to go through hell if it meant Dorothy would wake up. She doubted it could be worse than this endless waiting anyway.

“Ruby, I have to talk to you,” Dr. Whale said.

“Then talk,” Ruby still hadn’t looked at him. She was staring at Dorothy for any sign of improvement, any little thing that meant she was waking up. Some days she stared so hard and for so long that tears would start running down her cheeks.

“Outside.” This time he got her attention in the form of an angry glare which he held until she relented with an agitated sigh.

She looked back to Dorothy. “I’ll be back in a minute.” She brought her hand to her lips and kissed it before placing it back on the bed with care and following Whale outside.

Once they were in the corridor, Whale turned to face her. “Ruby, you can’t keep going on like that.”

He’d barely finished his sentence before she turned around, heading back to Dorothy’s room.

“Ruby,” Whale called and grabbed her hand which earned him a vicious glare but he didn’t let go. Apparently the only way to talk to her was to force her to listen to him. “Ruby, it’s been months.”

“Don’t I know that?” She snarled and pulled her arm with so much force that he had to let go if he didn’t want to fall. She turned around once again, walking towards the room that was now more familiar to her than the apartment she used to share with Dorothy.

“The longer she’s in a coma, the less likely it is for her to wake up,” Whale yelled after her, trying to keep up. 

She stopped dead in her tracks, allowing him to catch up with her.

“What you’re doing is not healthy.” He tried to find her gaze but she was stubbornly avoiding eye contact. “You can’t spend your life in the hospital room,” he tried to reason with her despite that.

That had her look at him. “If Dorothy has to, then so will I.” She walked past him and back into the room. She grabbed her purse and shoved her phone into it. She’d played some of Dorothy’s favorite songs earlier. The only thing she had accomplished was make herself cry.

She leaned over Dorothy and kissed her forehead. “I’ll be back tomorrow, Kansas,” she whispered tenderly while stroking her cheek. She then left without sparing another glance at Whale.

She walked down the street, not even bothering to get on the sidewalk. It was late night in a small town. There were barely any cars. The worst that could happen to her was ending up in a bed next to Dorothy. She wouldn’t mind if it meant they would be together. But she didn’t have so much luck.

The key turning in the lock sounded so depressingly lonely in the silence of the apartment building. She walked inside, making her way to the kitchen island and dropping her purse on the counter and leaning against it, wondering what to do. She had no appetite but she also knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep. Not with the thoughts running loose in her head.

“… less likely… wake up.”

She slammed her palms against the counter, causing something to fall off of it. She bent down to pick whatever fell. It was one of Toto’s numerous food bowls. Looked like she’d forgotten to give it to Granny when she’d left the dog in her care. She couldn’t stand it when he looked at her with his big wet eyes as if asking where Dorothy was. Seeing him running around, wiggling his tail in confusion when the door stayed closed at 17:30 and there was no sign of Dorothy was too much. He was just a stupid dog that didn’t understand anything and yet, he suffered too. And his pain felt like a mockery of her own. What did a simple dog understand of love and loss?

“We’re losing her.”

She threw the bowl at the wall. It hit it with a bang and chipped the paint, leaving a wound on the wall that did not bleed. Unlike Dorothy who’d been bleeding out in her arms and all over the street while she’d screamed bloody murder for someone to call an ambulance.

“A green car, speeding away.”

She’d even made out the number on the license plate. It didn’t do any good. Dorothy was lying immobile in a hospital room while the woman who’d hit her was walking around freely. And all because she was the Mayor’s sister, who’d been visiting from San Francisco with her daughter on that unfortunate night. Madam Mayor had pulled some strings and the whole accident had been forgotten as if it never happened. But nothing could erase it from Ruby’s mind. She could still hear the deafening thud when metal met human flesh with 70mph. And the thud of Dorothy’s body hitting the pavement. And her heels clicking hastily against the ground as she ran toward her Kansas’s unmoving body. After that her memory was hazy but she was still hearing noises. Slowly the living room came into focus. It looked as if it had been ravaged by a cyclone. The chairs had been toppled over, photos and vases had been pushed to the ground and were shattered to pieces, the drawers surfaces had been cleared and everything was scattered on the floor.

Her own rage staring her in the face was too much. She slumped down on the floor amidst the chaos of her outburst and buried her face in her hands, her lungs heaving frantically as sobs poured out of her mouth in a disruptive rhythm, causing her whole body to shake.

“Ruby?”

She barely heard Mary Margaret’s voice over her own crying. She hadn’t heard her enter.

“Oh, Ruby.” 

Mary Margaret’s arms wrapped around her and the warmth of her friend had her shaking even more violently. She buried herself into the hug and cried her eyes out while Mary Margaret was petting her hair and whispering soothingly at her. Just when she thought her lungs would collapse from all the weeping and hiccuping, the crying started subsiding. Her breathing gradually normalized and her tears stopped. After a few last dry sobs she disentangled herself from Mary Margaret.

“Are you okay?” Her friend asked, holding on to her as if afraid to let go of her just yet.

She nodded, sniveling.

“Wait.” Mary Margaret jumped to her feet, running to the kitchen island that had survived the storm. She grabbed a napkin and brought it to her.

“Thanks,” Ruby said after blowing her nose.

“What happened?” Mary Margaret asked, looking around while helping her up.

“I lost my temper,” Ruby murmured.

“I figured that much.” Her friend led her towards the couch.

“I was thinking about the crash,” Ruby sat down and, after assuring herself she was comfortable, Mary Margaret did the same. “Next thing I knew the apartment looked like this.”

Mary Margaret patted the back of her hand that she was still holding. “She’ll wake up.”

“But what if she doesn’t?” Ruby whispered fearfully, feeling new tears springing to her eyes. Whale’s words from earlier were haunting her.

“She will,” Mary Margaret insisted, squeezing her hand. “David woke up. Dorothy will too.” She held her gaze to emphasize her point. “There’s nothing more powerful than True Love. And I know that you and Dorothy love each other more than anything. You just have to believe.”

Ruby felt some of the hope and faith Mary Margaret was famous for seep into her. She took a deep breath and nodded.

“Why don’t you tell her your story when you go to see her tomorrow?” Mary Margaret suggested and Ruby was grateful that she at least was not nagging at her that staying with the one she loved wasn’t healthy for her.

“Our story?” Dr. Whale had told her that it was good to talk to Dorothy. Hearing the voice of a loved one could help the coma patient to wake up. She could talk about anything she wanted. So far she’d only managed to keep Dorothy updated about what happened on her favorite show or read her a book. Talking about memories required remembering happier times and she just couldn’t do that without breaking down. She didn’t want to upset Dorothy so she stuck to what she knew she could get through.

“Yes,” Mary Margaret nodded energetically. “That’s what woke David up. It could work.”

Ruby thought about it. It would certainly make her emotional. But if it could help Dorothy, it was worth a shot. “I’ll try.”

Her friend smiled at her and squeezed her hand once more. “Now let’s get you into bed.” She stood up from the couch, tugging on Ruby’s hand.

“Oh, no. I won’t be able to fall asleep,” Ruby protested. “I’ll stay up and clean the mess I made.” She looked around and her stomach sank. She’d have to clean for hours. She’d have to find something to keep her mind during that period occupied to avoid repetition of history.

“Then I’ll stay to help you.” Mary Margaret let go of her hand and bent down, starting to pick up what had survived Ruby’s rage.

“No, I couldn’t accept,” Ruby jumped from the couch, putting a hand on her friend’s arm to stop her. “I already feel bad enough that you had to come here in the middle of the night. I probably woke you up with all this ruckus.” Mary Margaret lived at the apartment next to hers with her husband. It had been her idea for Ruby and Dorothy to move in the same apartment building and they had gladly accepted. Knowing you have friends close by was comforting but Mary Margaret had already done enough.

“Well, I wouldn’t be able to sleep if I left you alone now.” Mary Margaret looked as if she’d make puppy dog eyes at her next.

“You’re twisting my arm.” Ruby complained and her friend knew she’d won this round.

The next morning Ruby entered Dorothy’s room armed with a cup of coffee and her own memory. She left her purse and her coffee on the cabinet and sat next to Dorothy’s bed, taking her hand into hers.

“Hey, Kansas, I’m back,” she said softly and gave her a little smile even though Dorothy couldn’t see it. “I’ll take you down memory lane today.” She took a deep breath, bracing herself for the trip.

* * *

__

She heard quick breathing. She looked around and noticed a tiny dog sitting on the ground with its tongue out and staring at her. She ducked to pet it. “How’d you get here, little guy?”

“Toto?” She heard a nervous voice call and the dog turned towards the direction from which it had come. “Toto?” A brunette that looked her age flew into the corridor and the dog ran to her. “There you are!” She picked him up, relieved, and he licked her cheek.

“Let me guess,” Ruby started as she stood up. “You’re Dorothy Gale.”

The other woman looked at her. “I’m Dorothy, yes. But my surname is not Gale.”

“Sure, Kansas, whatever you say.” Ruby waved dismissively and headed back towards the diner. She didn’t want Granny to scold her for slacking off again.

She didn’t see Dorothy, who she learned was staying in the Bed and Breakfast, again for another two days after that which was a shame because Toto was a really cute dog. She’d always wanted a dog but Granny was not keen on the idea and so she ended up growing up without one.

On a cloudy Saturday she saw Dorothy leave the inn in a short blue dress that seemed like insanity itself in that weather. Even Ruby wouldn’t dream of going out like that when it was apparent that a storm was coming. She whistled but it turned more into a wolf whistle rather than the intended sound of shock.

Dorothy turned around and raised a brow at her.

“Sorry if I startled you,” Ruby made sure her smile looked apologetic rather than flirtatious. “Aren’t you a little underdressed?”

“You didn’t startle me,” Dorothy took a step back into the room despite her obvious unwillingness to do so. “I just didn’t know they allowed wild animals in here.” The sass only brought a smile on Ruby’s face. “And no, I’m not.”

“Don’t worry, I don’t bite.” Ruby winked, her smile widening even more and turning into a rather wolfish grin. “And that dress won’t save you from getting soaking wet.”

“And yet you’re telling me to go change,” Dorothy replied unceremoniously to her shameless innuendo. “I’m not scared of you, wolfie,” she fired right back. “It’s just that nobody told me that Red Riding Hood was actually the Big Bad Wolf.” She nodded towards Ruby’s outfit. She was dressed in red from head to toe.

“Well, red is the color of passion,” Ruby said, stalking closer to the other woman.

“And of danger,” Dorothy added, not moving a muscle.

“You said that you weren’t afraid,” Ruby took another step towards her and was so close she could feel Dorothy’s breath on her skin.

“I’m not,” Dorothy said, holding her gaze. Then she abruptly turned around, heading towards the door. “I hope you’re not afraid of being alone, wolfie,” she threw over her shoulder as she walked out.

“Enjoy your free shower, Kansas,” Ruby ran to the door and yelled after her.

* * *

“I need you to wake up, Kansas,” Ruby pleaded, tears rolling down her face. “I’m a lone wolf without you.” She squeezed Dorothy’s hand but it remained limp in hers.


	8. Stitches

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 2x05 “The Doctor”. Whale Queen. Hate sex. This is one of those M-rated chapters. There’s a non-consensual kiss but the rest is consensual.

He opened the door after she knocked for the third time and the first thing she noticed was that his left arm was once again in its place. All magic and no stitches while her heart was in shambles and Daniel’s body was mere dust on the ground at the stables.

“Thank god for magic, right, doctor?” She asked instead of a greeting, pinning a derisive smile on her face.

Whale sighed, looking down at his shoes. Knowing Rumple, he’d probably gloated too before fixing his arm. “Regina,” Whale said as he looked back at her. There was resignation in his tone as if he’d expected her to show up on his doorstep but she could also distinguish wariness.

“Yes, the one you screwed over,” she sneered and pushed past him, invading his apartment. She thought she saw him wince out of the corner of her eye but that would mean that he gave a damn about her which simply wasn’t true. She took a look at his living room. It wasn’t anything special really – a typical bachelor’s home. At least so it looked on the surface and, frankly, she didn’t care to look under.

“I can explain,” Whale said, drawing her attention back to him and she had to admit that he looked rather distressed. He was all twitchy and alerted, afraid of her wrath. He wasn’t quite so brave now that she had her magic. She couldn’t use it of course–she was still trying to keep her promise to Henry despite the setback–but he didn’t need to know that. She could imagine his heart pounding wildly in his chest at the prospect of not being able to do so if she crushed it and it almost made up for all the pain he’d caused her – emotional and physical. She had not forgotten how he’d slammed her into that column, posing a threat on her life.

“Explain then,” she snarled, more riled up than she thought she was. Magic crackled at her fingertips, begging to be let out, and she clenched her fists lest she indulged it. “Why did you lie to me back in the Enchanted Forest?” This time her voice was more controlled but Whale still took a step back, looking ready to dash for the door in case she decided talking was not a good enough option. “Why didn’t you bring him back then?” She asked quietly, hating herself for the pain that seeped into her voice and the tears that gathered in her eyes.

“It was the only way,” Whale said, still on edge but a lot of the tension in his shoulders had dissipated.

“The only way for what?” His body language did not make any sense. He was hiding something.

“I kept the heart and used it to bring my brother back instead but I created a monster.” His gaze was now unfocused, going right through her. He was losing himself in memories.

“You knew what would happen?” Regina snapped, taking a menacing step towards him, bringing him back to the present.

“I thought-”

“About yourself,” she interrupted him. “You were aware of the risks and yet you brought him back. To serve your own purposes,” she raised her voice as she talked, the magic flowing under her skin.

“That’s rich coming from the Evil Queen,” Whale sneered in response and she barely resisted the urge to shut him up once and for all. She was trying for Henry but Whale threw her past in her face after being the reason why she broke her promise to her son. She only managed to keep her hands to herself because she didn’t want to disappoint Henry even more.

“You made him a monster,” she yelled and saw him wince again but she ascribed it to him doing the same to his brother. “I ought to rip your arm off once again for that,” she threatened, her self-control wavering.

“As if that would’ve stopped you from fucking him on sight,” he spat out, stepping closer to her, and if she hadn’t been so shocked by his audacity, she would’ve slapped him if not worse. “You’re so lovesick that you wouldn’t have given a damn even if he was a rotting corpse.”

“And what do you know about love?” She gritted her teeth, her blood boiling and–as much as she hated it–the warmth made the broken parts inside her hurt less.

“Nothing.” His gaze skirted to her mouth and before she knew it, he grabbed at her wrist, pulling her closer, his other arm snaking around her waist, and his lips covered hers.

Her eyes snapped closed as if her brain was trying to shut down, panic rushing into her system and paralyzing her, leaving her at the mercy of Whale and her own traumatic past. She’d promised herself that she’d never allow herself to be trapped into such a situation again – feeling scared and helpless. And the worst thing was that she had magic to protect herself but she couldn’t use it.

Whale’s lips left hers and she gasped for air. “Let go of me,” she pleaded, her voice hollow, her eyes still shut. She was afraid that he could read too much in them if she opened them although everything else was telling enough.

“Why don’t you use your magic?” Whale’s question sounded genuine rather than challenging and she opened her eyes to find him looking at her, his brows creased in confusion. He’d probably expected her to rip his heart out.

“I promised Henry not to use it,” she said, painfully aware that it wasn’t the whole truth.

His hands were gone in an instant and for once she was grateful that the Curse had broken because she knew that his cursed persona wouldn’t have been so courteous. The thought of going back to her empty mansion chilled her to the bone though so she grabbed his arm and pulled him back towards her, pressing her body against his and attacking his mouth with hers.

It didn’t take him long to start responding to her. His free hand slipped in her hair, pulling her even closer, as his tongue slid over her lower lip and he rolled his hips into her, already half-hard. It was almost desperate and tempted her to break the kiss and walk out the door, leaving him alone and needy, but he’d brought her blood to a pleasant boil again in seconds so she opened her mouth, letting his tongue in, and she cupped him through his pants.

Whale moaned in her mouth and she tasted the cheap whiskey on his breath. His hands grasped at her suit jacket, pulling it down her arms. The moment he got it off and dropped it on the floor, he relocated them on her ass, grabbing and squeezing. She clasped his shirt in her fists and ripped it open, sending buttons flying everywhere. His hands slid lower to the back of her thighs and he picked her up, carrying her to the wall and bracing her against it.

She made a quick work of his belt and let his trousers fall to the floor. She hooked her legs around his hips while he pushed her skirt up and out of the way. She stopped him when he reached for her shirt and started undoing the buttons herself as he pulled down his boxers.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” she raised a brow at him while still working on her buttons when he pulled her underwear to the side. “Protection,” she said when he gave her a questioning look. He was a known womanizer. She didn’t want to take risks.

He reached down into the pocket of his trousers, nearly causing her to fall, and pulled out a condom. He tore the wrapping with his teeth and rolled it on. “Happy?” he asked with annoyance.

“I’m on cloud nine,” she snarled in response, wondering why she’d let herself fall so low as to find herself in that situation but her train of thought derailed when he entered her.

He kissed her again, his hands finding her breasts and pulling her bra down before grabbing at them while he thrust into her and the sheer crudeness of it all was making her sick but successfully distracting her from the events at the stables earlier that day. His touch felt like needles pricking at her skin and his animalistic pounding would probably leave her sore but it gave her some external pain to focus on other than the bleeding wound in her chest. And the nausea and heartache didn’t stop her toes from curling into her pumps when she reached her orgasm, clawing at Whale’s arms, her heels digging into his lower back.

He followed just as she was coming down from her high, his hands clamping down on her hips in a grip that was sure to leave bruises but those would be nothing compared to the ones this little escapade left on her ego. Whale nestled his head into the crook of her neck and his sweaty body was too close for comfort. He quickly regained his bearings though, pulling out of her and letting her step on the floor.

She adjusted her bra and underwear and pulled her skirt down. She started buttoning her shirt and walked away from him towards where her suit jacket was lying on the floor.

“Regina-”

“Don’t,” she cut him off, without even turning to look at him. “There’s nothing to talk about.” She put on her suit jacket and headed for the door. Her mind was quiet but her heart was still a quivering mess in need of stitches.


	9. Go It Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 6x07 “Heartless”. Regina and the Queen.

She went alone. The Queen couldn’t hurt her but she didn’t want to risk anyone else’s life. A quick blood spell showed her the Queen’s exact location – at the beach, where Henry’s old wooden castle used to be. Destroying it had been a major step towards tearing Emma and Henry apart at the time so it seemed like a logical place to celebrate the new victory but something didn’t add up.

Yet, she found the Queen there, alone, looking at the empty space where the castle had been with longing. She knew exactly what was going on in her head. Henry.

“It’s not enough, is it?” she asked, startling her doppelganger. It was strange to witness. Her other half looked so vulnerable for a moment before the haughty veneer fell back into place just like Regina had expected. She hated loneliness but when someone offered her a hand, she always refused, choosing solitude. How someone could want something so badly but constantly work against themselves was beyond Regina.

“What are you doing here?” the Queen evaded the question. “Came to thank me?” The arrogance and obvious mockery only somewhat managed to hide the surprise and–dare Regina say–hope underneath.

“Thank you?” The derision in her tone matched that in the Queen’s and for a moment the reflection scared her. It was like staring at a mirror. “I came to make you reverse the spell.” It came out with the intended confidence once she remembered that it was the difference between them that she was so desperately looking for.

“Make me?” The Queen laughed. “And how do you plan on doing that?” Her gaze hardened, filling with disdain. “You failed at protecting her just like you failed at getting revenge on her. But I succeeded where you couldn’t. I got our revenge.” Her eyes sparkled with sick joy that Regina recognized easily for she’d seen it many times in the mirror but now it made her sick to her stomach.

“No, that was you,” she raised a hand in front of her stomach as if that could stop the nausea and protect her from the Queen’s accusation. “You wanted revenge.”

The triumph drained from the Queen’s eyes, leaving behind only vicious rage. “Do not put this on me!” she snarled, her fists closing in the skirt of her dress. “You wanted it too. You wanted to see the life draining out of her too.” Her hands let go of the fabric as some twisted serenity overcame her at the thought. “But you were weak,” she spat out, repulsion and disappointment coating the words and painting her face a new shade of madness.

“Don’t call me weak!” A fireball burst to life in Regina’s palm as she stared at the spitting image of the worst nightmare of her past, her mother’s words ringing in her ears.

“But you are.” the Queen smirked, unperturbed by her little display. She couldn’t hurt her and they both knew it. “You pushed me to the front to take the blows while you were hiding behind me, using me as a shield only to throw me away when you decided you didn’t need me anymore.” The hurt was back again despite her best efforts to cover it up. After all, she was just a mask which Regina had worn for too long. And masks were designed to hide their owner’s face by being the thing that everyone saw.

“So what now?” Regina let the fire in her hand die down until it was just a memory. “You’ll get revenge on me?”

“Quite the opposite in fact. I’ll give you exactly what you want.” The Queen smiled in response and it sent shivers down her spine. “You’ll have a chance to prove how strong you are when you have to go it alone.” She laughed, a cloud of purple smoke engulfing her and leaving Regina alone.


	10. Hesitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 6x01 “The Savior”. Outlaw Queen.

The light was too bright for a place so grief-ridden. The white of the walls was reflecting too much of it and blinding her while the black consumed it, looking like a void ready to digest her any second now. She rushed to the window and closed the curtains but the light was coming from the inside of the office. She turned around to look for the source but it became too bright, forcing her to close her eyes to protect them.

A wave of warmth passed through her, causing a stir in her frozen insides, and the light disappeared, leaving darkness behind her eyelids. Her eyes welled up with tears the moment she opened them, her lower lip trembling.

“Regina.” A new wave of warmth flooded her system at the sound of his voice, thawing whatever ice inside her hadn’t melted.

“Robin,” she whispered, the tears spilling down her face at the sight of blue eyes that she thought she’d never see again. He was just out of reach but she was afraid to move, afraid to breathe lest he turned out to be just a vision, a fruit of her imagination.

He made the first step and the desire to hold him in her arms again overrode every thought and fear in her mind, pushing her to close the space between them in a few quick strides. She threw herself in his open arms, causing him to stumble a bit, but he was strong enough to support her weight which had already lessened in the few days he was gone. He wrapped her in his embrace, holding her tightly, but that didn’t stop her hands from moving frantically over his arms and back, touching every inch of him to make sure he was really there.

“You’re here,” she smiled through tears, her fingers finding his face and stroking it. Her heart was pounding so fast that she was afraid it would burst to pieces in her chest.

“Neither of us is really here,” Robin said but she didn’t seem to hear him, her fingers tracing patterns on his skin absent-mindedly as she was drinking in the sight of him, her gaze wandering all over his face. “Regina,” he called her name, snapping her out of her trance and locking eyes with her. “I came to tell you something but we don’t have much time.” His hold on her waist tightened when her fingers froze and the tears that had subsided filled her eyes again.

“No,” she shook her head. “No,” she grabbed at the collar of his jacket, drawing him closer, “I can’t lose you again.”

He caught her hands, coaxing her fists to open and let go of the fabric. “You won’t.” He brought one hand to his lips and kissed it as his gaze stayed fixed on her. The first tear that fell from her eye when it dawned on her that he was never there hurt worse than having his soul torn from his body. He let go of her hands, which landed limply on his chest, and cupped her face. “Don’t cry, love,” he said, his thumbs wiping away her tears. “You have to move on.”

She shook her head again, grabbing at his forearms. “I can’t.”

“You should,” he tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “Don’t hesitate and miss your chance like me.”

Her brows knitted in confusion. “What…”

“I should’ve chosen you instead of Marian at the very beginning. My heart was yours all along but instead of giving it to you, I broke yours. Right here.” He looked around, remembering all the quiet moments they have spent there. He missed feeling the warmth of the fireplace on his skin and the warmth of her love in his heart. Maybe making the right choice wouldn’t have changed the ending, but it would’ve given him more moments to spend in her embrace and love her when she couldn’t love herself.

“You gave your life for me. Right here.” He had chosen her over himself without hesitating even for a second and it had cost him everything. All because of her. Every time the people who loved her paid for her mistakes. But not anymore. She’d gotten rid of the part of herself that was like a curse to those she loved. It was the right decision regardless of the gnawing emptiness inside her.

“And I would do it again if I had to.” He wrapped her in his arms when the violent sobs started shaking her frame in an attempt to shield her from a reality he had no control over.

“I miss you,” she cried into the crook of his neck.

“I’m still alive in your heart,” he whispered soothingly in her hair while stroking it.

Regina woke with a start, her head turning instinctively towards the left side of the bed to find it empty and her hand brushing against the sheets to feel their coldness. Her body was trembling and she brought her hand to her cheek to wipe away the hot tear that fell from her eye. She knew the reason behind that tear deep into her heart although she didn’t remember it. A hesitant ray of sunlight that sneaked in between the curtains drew her attention and she got up to pull them away and let the morning light in.


	11. Everything Buried

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the Missing Year. Snow Queen.

She was in the garden, staring at the apple tree instead of sleeping, just like every other night in the four months since they’d come back. Normally, Snow would walk away with a heavy heart, praying to see Regina at breakfast–exhausted and trying to cover up another sleepless night with makeup but at least awake–and not find her still under the tree, her body limp in the trap of a sleeping curse. Tonight another curse was haunting her though so she continued towards Regina.

“I don’t want to hear another hope speech,” Regina spoke, back still turned to her. That didn’t surprise her. They were so deeply connected, the history between them so messy and tangled that either of them could tell when the other was around. Magic or no magic.

“Good,” Snow said as she came to stand next to her, her gaze fixed on the tree just like Regina’s. “Because I don’t have one.”

Regina turned towards her, eyebrows raised in mock surprise. “Did Snow White run out of hope?” she asked, her sardonic tone pushing all of Snow’s buttons.

“Yes,” her head snapped towards Regina, startling her, which she skillfully managed to cover up, the slight parting of her lips being the only thing betraying her shock. “I lost my child again.” Her voice was loud in the quiet garden. Or maybe it was just loud. She couldn’t tell.

Regina drew in a breath at that but the hurt that seeped into her eyes couldn’t stop Snow’s words from pouring out of red lips.

“If you hadn’t cast the first Curse, this wouldn’t have happened.” Regina had to pay the price and leave Henry behind which meant that she too had to pay the price and let her daughter go. Again. And they could’ve been spared all the pain. If Regina had just learned to let go.

Regina’s gaze hardened and her back straightened as if she was preparing for battle. “If I hadn’t cast the Curse _we_ wouldn’t have Henry,” she raised her chin indignantly.

“Emma only gave him away because she grew up without parents and didn’t know how to be one,” Snow added the part of the truth that Regina seemed to be forgetting.

“You’re not the only one who lost a child, Snow.” Regina chose not to hide behind a mask of anger, instead letting the tears in her eyes. Whether it was because she was simply too exhausted to fight them or she wished to punish her for her words, Snow didn’t know, but she felt the knife twisting in her heart. “But you’re the only one who’s having another one.” Regina’s face was now just blank and it scared Snow but the realization that the words brought was what broke her.

“I’m pregnant?” she asked quietly, tears streaming down her face, so many emotions coursing through her that she couldn’t quite feel them all. Or rather she was afraid to. Because somewhere deep down was that feeling she’d gotten at the Echo Caves when she’d admitted Emma wasn’t enough, that ache in her chest that was worse than the pain of Regina squeezing her heart.

“Congratulations,” Regina whispered, barely controlling her voice, the tears now flowing down her face too, her eyes looking like two dark abysses, devoid of all life.

Snow cupped her face wiping away the tears with her thumbs, recognition hitting her square in the chest and knocking the air out of her. She had hurt like Regina did now.

Regina raised an arm to push her away, always one to deny comfort when she needed it most, but it quickly changed course and grasped at Snow’s shoulder when their lips met, the other one doing the same. Her eyes closed and her lips stayed pressed together, not a sound coming from her.

Snow moved her lips tentatively, hoping to express everything in a way that wouldn’t hurt Regina since her words seemed to be only doing that. It was all there – apology, leftover frustration, sympathy and painful awareness.

Regina’s lips moved against hers, accepting the kiss, tears still flowing from her closed eyes and wetting Snow’s skin too as they shared the agony. She broke the kiss before they could lose themselves in it though, opening her eyes to find Snow’s. She took her hands into hers, removing them from her face but not letting go of them. “How long have you known?” her voice was coarse from the raw emotion of the moment and a bit shaky since the kiss left her out of breath.

“Ever since I saw Cora into Emma’s destroyed nursery.” She looked down at their entwined fingers. “Emma’s panic to stop her from going anywhere near Henry when she barely even knew her…” Her stomach turned at the notion she’d pushed away back then. The reason why Regina had adopted Henry. The thought that you could fear your mother so much you’d take away your own ability to have children. She hadn’t been certain, the truth too horrifying to simply accept, but it was in Regina’s eyes. That emptiness only Henry could fill. But he was gone. “I wish I had killed her before we came back,” she looked back up, meeting Regina’s gaze. Maybe if they hadn’t been threatened by Cora, they would’ve noticed the bigger danger. Maybe they wouldn’t have been separated then. But even if they still ended up where they were now, Regina could’ve had more time with Henry instead of hiding because of a crime she hadn’t committed.

Regina smiled sadly at her as if she’d read her mind. “And I’m glad I didn’t kill you,” she said before releasing her hands. “Won’t you go tell David the news?”

Snow nodded, wanting to stay with her but knowing she wouldn’t let her.

The next morning at breakfast Regina looked just as exhausted as every other day, her mask keeping secrets that refused to stay buried.


	12. Horns

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 6x02 “A Bitter Draught”. Dragon Queen. Mentions of Outlaw Queen and Split Queen.

She ran her fingers through blonde hair that fell on the pillow haphazardly. “You’ve decided not to trap your hair in those monstrous headpieces.” She could never understand Mal’s affinity for fake horns. “I approve.” She reached to tug a loose strand of hair behind Mal’s ear but she caught her hand.

“What are you doing here, Regina?” she asked, blue eyes meeting brown ones.

Regina felt shivers down her spine and pulled her hand away and under the sheets. “I came to talk.” She had. And yet, they’d ended up in bed, few words spoken between them, their focus on moans and body language instead. She hadn’t expected it. Not so soon after Robin’s death. But there was something so familiar and calming into Mal’s dignified posture and cold composure that she’d fallen right into her arms and–not long after–into her bed. Good thing that Lily was still at work, as late as it was.

“If talking could fill that void inside you, we wouldn’t be here.” Mal’s gaze was taking Regina back to a time she wanted to forget but she couldn’t because the person she had been back then had literally stared her in the face earlier that day even though she was supposed to be dead. But of course the only ones that ever died in Regina’s life were those she loved.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She got up, the cold of the air sending new shivers down her bare back. She started gathering her clothes. It would’ve been easier to use her magic to do it but she couldn’t. And she had only her other half to thank about that.

“You didn’t come here to talk,” Mal propped herself on an elbow, observing her every movement carefully which Regina found unsettling but not because she was still very much naked save for her underwear that she’d put on. “You came to me because you were lonely.” And there was something in her voice that made Regina wish she could light a fireball. To throw it at Mal or to warm herself, she didn’t know.

“Of course I am,” she threw the clothes she’d gathered on the bed and picked up her bra. “I lost my soulmate just a few days ago.” The words stabbed her in the heart, causing warm blood to spill over her organs and stop the shivering.

“And a part of yourself,” Mal added, making Regina’s skin crawl.

“If you want to say something,” she paused, fumbling with the clasp of her bra, the magic she could feel under her skin only frustrating her to the point where she wanted to scream, “then say it.” She gritted her teeth, her bra finally surrendering to her efforts to fasten it.

Mal got up as well, the sheets sliding off her body, but she was dressed with a single motion, her clothes appearing instantly to shield her from the cold air. “I wear horns because they’re a part of me.” She watched as Regina struggled with the zipper of her slacks, not seeming to hear a word of what she was saying. “I don’t need them to remember who I am though.”

Regina turned her back to her, looking for her shoes even though she was still half-naked and shivering. She spotted them but before she could move a muscle, they disappeared only to reappear on her. And so did the rest of her clothes. She spun around to glare at Mal.

“You’d be able to do it yourself if you could say the same,” Mal replied with an icy glare of her own.

The words made Regina’s blood boil but with a wave of Mal’s hand she found herself in her mansion. In her empty home where the lights were out and the hearth was cold.


	13. Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the Missing year. Canon divergence in which Regina decided to go on the Jolly Roger with Hook. Mentions of Regal Believer, Hook x Milah and Hook x Emma.

It was still strange to see her on his ship. She didn't belong there. But the only place where she belonged was lost to her.

She'd insisted on going with him and no pleas or bargaining from the princess had broken through her determination. She'd turned her back to the hand Snow had offered her and instead she'd teleported on a ship where she was a stranger and he was the only one who even dared come near her. She didn't seem to mind the solitude though. She had her hands full with self-pity and regret to keep her occupied.

He'd usually leave her alone unless she was the one to seek him out but she'd been restless all day, getting in a fight with the members of his crew at every opportunity. And if there wasn't one, she'd create it. So he followed her below the deck. The door of her cabin was ajar. She made it very clear when she wanted to be left alone so he pushed it open though he had no idea whether she was looking for company or for another fight.

She didn't pay attention to him when he entered. He wasn't even sure if she'd heard him over the pulsating sound that was filling the cabin. He knew it very well. He'd spent years in Cora's company after all.

Regina turned around, an open chest in her hands and inside it was a beating heart. Her own blackened heart.

"That's too great a treasure to be buried, love," he spoke, unable to hide his shock.

"I'm not planning on burying it," she said, voice strained from the effort not to cry, and he was certain that the thought had crossed her mind but luckily they were at sea. Which of course presented her with another not any less terrifying option.

"You'll throw it overboard then?" he tried to joke to lighten the mood but the forced humor died when she looked at him, her eyes begging him to give her a reason not to do it. "You still need it, love," he said but the words fell flat.

"For what?" Regina asked, her tone sharp and painful like a whiplash. "The only person who still loves me is lost to me forever." She swallowed, the truth of her words nearly making her choke.

"At least you have someone who loves you." Unlike him. Just when he'd thought he had another chance at love, it had been ripped away from him. Piracy could only deflect his attention for a while. Last time the vengeance on his mind had kept him from losing it. But now there was no one to take revenge on. Just a heart beating in vain. "Put it back, love." Her heart still had a reason to beat. "Don't leave him without a mother." Henry was still out there and as long as they were both alive, there was always a chance for them to be reunited. He never would've given up on Milah, were they separated. But her death had also crushed his heart.

"He doesn't remember me," Regina said, closing the chest and trapping her heart inside but at least it was still beating. "It's better that way." A tear rolled down her cheek and she turned around, leaving the chest on the table. "This is my punishment. He shouldn't have to pay for my mistakes." Her heart skipped a beat, having to face its own darkness and the consequences of it. "I guess now we know," she said as she faced him, a smile that was painful to watch sticking to her face and holding back the tears.

He gave her a questioning look, afraid to speak lest the words broke down her defenses.

"Villains don't get happy endings," she said, the flow of tears too strong to be held by any dam. They spilled from her eyes just like the sobs spilled from her mouth, drowning out the pulsating of her heart.

He hugged her, holding on to her as much as she did to him, unsure of which would haunt him more - the sound of her heart pulsating out of her chest, the words or her weeping. A happy ending might have been too much to ask for, but did they really deserve such a harsh punishment?


	14. A Child's Laughter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 4x02 “White Out”. Regal Believer. I’ve taken some liberties regarding the prompt but I simply had to write this because Henry deserved to have his feelings acknowledged.

Regina walked down the corridor. The house was quiet but the knowledge that Henry was there made her heart hurt less. She might have lost her soulmate but at least she still had her soul – her little prince.

“No, we’re not coming back,” she heard his voice coming through the open door of his room.

She peeked in and saw he was talking on the phone. She didn’t know who was on the other end of the line, only that Henry didn’t seem well. She could see his profile and he looked upset.

“Because we found our family,” he continued, still not aware of her presence, but the tears gleaming in his eye made her aware that something was very wrong. “Yes, I thought so too, but it turned out that I have more family than I know what to do with.” He smiled, probably remembering what she’d told him not long ago when they’d walked side by side as strangers, but it did not erase the distress written on his features. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to visit,” he said and Regina detected the slight trembling in his voice that meant he was going to break down any second now. “Take care and greet the others from me.” He quickly disconnected the call, not waiting for an answer, the tears falling down his cheek.

That was the last straw for Regina. She pushed the door open, walking in.

Henry turned towards her, looking surprised but grateful to see her. “Mom,” he cried and she was at his side faster than if she’d used magic to teleport.

“Henry.” She hugged him, clutching him close and stroking his hair, her instincts jumping to life inside her and making her want to incinerate whatever was bringing the tears to his eyes even though she knew she couldn’t protect him from this.

“I miss them,” he cried into her embrace, his hands grasping at her, and at that moment she could only see the little baby that was crying relentlessly in her arms and she had no idea how to help him. She knew he was talking about the friends he’d made in New York, the ones he’d told her about, but there was nothing for her to do except to feel guilty. He’d never had friends in Storybrooke because of her Curse. And now that he finally had some, he had to leave them behind in order to come back to her.

Henry pulled back a little to look at her, tears still streaming down his face. “I’m happy that I’m back.” He sniveled. “I just-”

“I know, Henry,” she wiped away the tears with her thumbs. “I know,” she soothed, unwilling to listen to him blame himself for missing his friends. The only one to blame was she. She’d been so happy to hear her child’s laughter again that she hadn’t noticed he had lost people he cared about. She’d left him alone when he needed her so that she could mope about Robin Hood.

“It must have been really hard for you when you went back,” he whispered, new tears flowing down his face at the thought.

“I’m here now, Henry,” she pulled him in her embrace again. Her little prince that was always thinking about everyone. She’d never let him go again. “I’ll always stay with you, I promise.” She sounded like Snow but she didn’t care.

“And I’ll stay with you, mom,” he said, locking his arms around her waist.


	15. Fight Fire with Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set the night before 7x01 “Hyperion Heights”. Ivy Queen (Ivy x Roni). Mommy issues that lead to some potentially triggering suggestions.

She was cleaning the counter, lingering on a single spot more than she ever did. She told herself that she wanted it to be pristine for her last day there but the truth was she was indulging in nostalgia, letting it carry her back to a time when the neighbourhood was a real community and she ran the place with Kelly. They’d been like sisters until one mistake had become the reason why Kelly had abandoned her. Despite that she’d kept the bar going, hoping that maybe one day she’d get her family back and they’d run it together again. But hope was in short supply these days while money ruled the world.

“She finally broke you down then?”

She startled, looking up even though she knew that voice well, knew all the cutting words it could scream and the soft moans it could produce. “Ivy,” she said, surprised. It was not unusual of her to show up way past closing for a drink that only ended in two ways – a heated argument or a passionate round of fucking. She’d thought she’d locked the door though but she must have forgotten to do it. That wasn’t unusual either. She always had a feeling she’d forgotten something. “Came for one last drink?” she decided not to take the bait. Normally, she was up for a challenge–some sick and twisted part of her enjoyed the games, the deception and the raw agony it left in its wake–but she wanted to leave it off on a good note. Besides, there were other more pleasant ways to spend their energy.

Ivy nodded, looking disappointed that she didn’t indulge her desire for a fight, and walked over to the counter, dropping her purse on it and sitting on a stool.

Roni poured her a glass of her best whiskey. “On the house.” Even though it was expensive, Ivy definitely could afford it but so could she.

Ivy took the glass and eyed it as if she’d served her poison. “We both know I don’t get anything for free from you.” She downed the drink in one go, closing her eyes when it burned her throat. She must have had a really bad day.

Roni calmly left the bottle on the counter where she could reach it and help herself to more if she wanted, unmoved by the ugly implication. They both knew it wasn’t true. But Ivy needed to get out her frustration on someone and Roni was the only one who tolerated her outbursts. Why she did it, she didn’t know. There was just something in her that was familiar in a way that few other things were.

“I guess I’ll have to find another place to drink,” Ivy said as she reached for the bottle and refilled her glass, spilling some of the whiskey on the counter. “And something else to do.” She gave Roni a fake apologetic look.

“I could stick around if you want me to,” Roni said as she threw a towel over the mess Ivy had made before it could start dripping all over the floor. She always cleaned up Ivy’s messes even though she never knew what to do with her own. And so she was hoping for an answer that could give her some sense of direction, some idea of what to do with her life.

“If you’re that desperate for my company,” Ivy shrugged as if she couldn’t care less but if it were true, she wouldn’t be there. Because Roni needed a sense of direction, but Ivy needed a sense of belonging.

“Maybe I shouldn’t sell the bar,” Roni mused as she circled the counter. Selling it would only leave Victoria triumphant and the two of them lost.

“Oh yeah? And what are you gonna tell my mother?” Ivy asked as she turned around on her stool, her eyes never leaving Roni for a second. She was always guarding her back around her as if she’d encountered a predator and not her lover. “You know when she sinks her claws into something, she doesn’t let go of it.” The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

“Maybe if she knew how much you enjoyed my bar, she’d change her mind,” Roni suggested flirtatiously, draping her arms over each of Ivy’s shoulders.

“You overestimate yourself.” Ivy pushed her away. “Besides, that would only make her tear it down faster. She’s keen on destroying everything I’m even mildly interested in.”

“Is that why you always come to me? To fill a void?” Roni asked, more affected by the rejection than she wanted to admit.

“Don’t project your issues on me, Roni,” Ivy hissed, her eyes blazing with the knowledge of Roni’s past which she’d revealed to her one night on a drunken impulse. “And if you want to play mommy, do it with someone you’re not fucking. It sends the wrong message.” She jumped from the stool and grabbed her purse, knocking the glass from the counter. It shattered against the floor but she didn’t pay any mind to it, heading for the door.

Roni caught her hand and pulled her back towards her even though her words had stung more than just a little. Because Ivy needed someone. And maybe she needed someone too. Even if that someone was the daughter of the woman she hated the most. Sometimes she thought that the reason for her passionate hate towards Victoria was the way she treated Ivy. She was never enough for her mother. And Roni knew how that felt.

She kissed her and Ivy’s mouth opened to her, welcoming her tongue. She met it with her own, willing to take everything Roni would give her and then some. Her purse hit the floor with a thud, her hands wrapping around Roni greedily, trying to get enough of something she couldn’t give her.

Roni kissed back with just as much fervor because there was fire in that girl and she’d burn herself alive with it if Roni didn’t fight it with her own. She could only hope that they wouldn’t burn together.


	16. Cobweb

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 4x14 “Enter the Dragon”. Canon divergence or whatever works for you. Golden Queen.

Gold walked into the bedroom and she followed him, chills running up and down her spine frantically as if something was chasing them. Despite the strong wind that was blowing outside, it wasn’t that cold. She just wasn’t thrilled about the direction in which things were going. First, the abduction of Pinocchio, and now this private conversation Gold had requested. She hoped that she hadn’t blown her cover. She’d been careful but she hadn’t been prepared to face him.

She felt a touch–his index finger against her cheek–and it sent her entire system into shock. She hadn’t realized when he’d come so close. “What are you doing?” she asked quietly, voice shaky with uncertainty. In her mind bloomed the memory of their first meeting. He’d been gentle then too as he’d invaded her bedroom and her mind. And even though she’d been the one to summon him, she’d never had control of the situation. She didn’t fool herself that it was going to be any different now. Because he’d let her in his bedroom but she’d never been able to get him out of her head. Yet, she found herself missing his touch when he withdrew his hand.

“Are you thinking about him?” he responded with a question of his own, steering her mind towards what she missed the most, the emptiness inside her chest that was gathering dust and cobwebs.

“Are you thinking about her?” She could twist the knife just as well as he could. Unlike his dagger, it couldn’t kill him, but the thought of the warm blood dripping from the wound chased away the shivers that even her fire couldn’t.

“That’s why I’m doing all of this,” he said, uncharacteristically open, and she nodded because there was nothing else for her to do. “Love is weakness.” Rumple smiled as if that was some private joke between the two of them.

“I guess it is,” Regina said, a strain in her voice that hadn’t been there before. Because it was easy to taunt each other and stick pins in one another’s hearts but this raw honesty was far too intimate. And intimacy left her exposed which never ended well for her. The only chance to keep her heart whole was to lock it away.

“We’re fighting for them while they’re happy with someone else,” Rumple said, planting seeds in her mind instead.

“Robin had no choice.” He would’ve chosen her but he wasn’t given the chance to do so. He’d wanted to stay with her but she’d told him to go. Because it had been the right thing to do. They’d been separated because she’d acted like a hero, not like a villain.

“But he didn’t have to move on.”

She wanted to object but there was a little voice inside her head, a tiny whisper that told her she hadn’t been to New York while Gold had. He probably knew something she didn’t. Her fists clenched when she looked up at him and saw sympathy on his face. It was sympathy from the devil and it was scarier than his wrath when he’d sent the wraith after her. Because it awoke the beast inside her.

“You wake up in a cold bed every morning while he holds his wife in his arms every night,” Rumple continued, weaving her into his cobweb with truths. “He has someone to share his life with while you’re left to fight for your happy ending alone.”

Her heart could barely beat, paralyzed by the thread of words. They got to her head and the cold crept inside her. She caught the lapels of his suit jacket and pulled him close, kissing him out of the blue like she’d kissed Robin that first night. To shut him up, she told herself, not as petty revenge.

His arms came to rest on her waist, keeping her in place. His mouth opened and his tongue met hers, tangling with it in a dance that they’d never done before. They had their verbal wars and stuck to them because that’s what they were good at. Because Rumple was someone to be fought and not kissed. Not by her anyway. But the one whose kisses she needed like the sun was giving them to someone else. A hot tear fell from her closed eye and she pulled away in need of air. Her eyes opened and she was met with a look she knew very well – one full of promises that were too good to be true.

“It’s you and me again,” Rumple cupped her cheek and traced his thumb over her bottom lip, letting the tear leave a scorching trail on her skin. “Together. Where we belong.” His skin was cold against hers even though she was chilled to the bone and his voice was harsh to her ears but she leaned into his touch and succumbed to his manipulations.

Her mouth opened to his tongue when he kissed her again, the tears long forgotten at the promise of getting what she wanted. And so was the knowledge that he only needed her to warm his bed and bring his plans to fruition, that she was just a fly caught in his cobweb.


	17. What's Done Cannot Be Undone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after season 6. Platonic Evil Charming.

David put down another useless book and grabbed the next one from the big pile in front of him. That one felt different to his touch and he hoped that the answer was there but he quickly realized he wouldn’t find what he was looking for. What he opened was not a spell book. It was not a book at all. He recognized Regina’s handwriting and quickly realized that he’d picked up an old diary of hers. He thought that he’d better close it and put it back because he wouldn’t find a spell there and it was personal but one sentence caught his eye and he couldn’t resist. He had to know what it said.

“ _My love is buried in the cold ground and my heart is freezing behind these stone walls. The cold settles in my soul and even when I finally learn how to conjure fireballs and the hatred is threatening to burn me alive I can’t help but shiver every night in my forever-empty bed. Instead of Daniel’s loving arms, the only thing wrapped around me is cold sheets, and I will never feel loved again because in my husband’s heart there’s place for only one wife. The only warmth I feel is coming from the hot tears that are falling from my eyes every night and scorching my chilled flesh.”_

“Did you find something?” Snow’s voice startled him and he almost dropped the diary. She was looking at him expectantly with hope in her eyes.

“I… uh… no, I… I didn’t.” he quickly put the dangerous thing aside and picked another book, hoping that she didn’t notice what he was reading. He had no idea what to tell her if she started asking questions. The only thing he knew was that she couldn’t know about that or she’d never think of her father the same way. There was no need for her to suffer too.

“Are you alright?” Regina asked and looked at the notebook he had just put down. Her expression didn’t change. If she recognized her old diary, then she didn’t show it. “Did you read something that you shouldn’t have?” she asked but her tone wasn’t taunting as usually. Her voice was impossibly even instead.

David was almost certain that she’d caught him red-handed but he had to keep up the charade. Because of Snow. And because of himself too. If he thought too hard about what he had just read, he might just go insane. “I’m fine,” he lied and managed not to stutter this time. He hoped that she wouldn’t push it.

Regina only eyed him but returned to her work and he was grateful for that because he was not fine. He was barely keeping it together.

And even when they found what they were looking for and left the vault, the diary buried under a mountain of spell books, the words that he shouldn’t have read still haunted him. All warmth seeped out of him and by the time he went to bed that night, he was shivering. He pulled Snow closer, trying to chase away the feeling of dread in his stomach but the cold had settled in him too and he couldn’t fall asleep.

He tossed and turned for a good hour and a half, his teeth almost chattering from the shivers coursing through his body. Finally, he decided that enough was enough and got out of bed, careful not to wake Snow lest she started asking questions. Questions that he didn’t know how to answer. His only hope was that his walk could help him solve his problem.

He put on some clothes–the first things he could find in the darkness of the loft–and headed out with a destination in mind. He went straight to Regina’s house and knocked on the door without hesitation or consideration of the time.

It took her some time but she opened the door and he noticed that she hadn’t changed. Either she’d been sleeping in her clothes or she hadn’t gone to bed at all. He was certain that the same thing that haunted him kept her awake. “David, what are you doing here?” she asked and he could taste the apple cider on her breath, standing as close to her as he was.

He didn’t answer. Instead, he stepped even closer and wrapped his arms around her.

She tensed for a moment, surprised by the hug, but her muscles relaxed and she responded to his embrace. “You read the diary, didn’t you?” she asked, her voice once again impossibly even, and it surprised him how much strength she hid in her tiny frame, carrying so much weight on her shoulders without crumbling underneath it. And there he was, looking for comfort from her instead of offering her some.

He just buried his face in her hair, not saying anything. To spare her or himself, he didn’t know.

“What’s done cannot be undone,” she whispered and he wasn’t certain if she was talking about her past or his shocking discovery of it. “Try not to think about it too much. That’s what I do.”

The words felt like a slap in the face but as he held onto her tighter, the heat radiating from her body permeated into him, putting a stop to the chills.


	18. Fragile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 5x02 “The Price”. Outlaw Queen.

She hung her coat and walked into the living room, leaving Robin to lock the door. She leaned on the back of the couch and closed her eyes, letting out a breath. It had been a long day and the celebration at Granny’s had only left her more agitated than before.

She heard Robin’s footsteps as he followed her and entered the room. “What’s wrong, milady?” he asked as soon as he entered the room. He knew her so well he could tell she was distressed with just one look at her. And yet, not well enough.

“We have to talk,” she opened her eyes and gave him a meaningful look. They’d been postponing that conversation for too long. Always saying that they’d discuss it but never doing it. Or maybe they had. Maybe they just didn’t remember because their memories were stolen but it didn’t matter. They needed a plan and they didn’t have one.

“It’s been a long day. Let’s talk tomorrow,” Robin took her hand in his but she pulled it away.

“No,” she stood her ground even though she really wanted to give in and sink into his arms. Especially after a day like the one they’d had. But they couldn’t keep postponing. “We’ll talk now.”

“Regina-”

“We have to decide what to do about Zelena.” She’d said it. They’d been both avoiding the topic, hoping that the problem would disappear if they didn’t think about it, but it was only getting worse. With every day the baby grew inside Zelena, and so did Regina’s frustration.

“Now?” Robin asked, his eyes begging her not to do this. But he had already done it and they couldn’t keep ignoring the reality.

“Yes, now. I almost lost you today,” she paused, taking a breath to calm herself, “and I realized we can’t keep dancing around the problem.”

Robin’s brows knitted in confusion. “I don’t follow.”

“We have to figure out what to do. I don’t want this to come between us.” She said, stalling, running from what she really wanted to say. Because once it was out, it could be the end of everything.

“Regina, what are you trying to tell me?” Robin asked, taking a step towards her, confusion written on his face.

“It’s eating me alive, Robin,” she cried, her hands coming between them as a barrier. “I know you didn’t know it was Zelena,” she shook her head, tears spilling down her cheeks, “but that doesn’t change the fact that you moved on while I was looking for a way to get to you,” the words spilled from her mouth, the fragile dam that was holding them back blown to pieces. She’d tried to keep it all in but her feelings refused to stay buried. “I didn’t want to tell you but it’s gnawing at me and I don’t know how to put a stop to it. I don’t want to lose you.”

Robin pulled her in his embrace, his hands wrapping around her, and she nestled her head in the crook of his neck. “You’re not gonna lose me,” he whispered, his hands rubbing at her back soothingly. “We’ll figure it out.”

“I can’t imagine life without you,” she sobbed out. Her hands closed into fists, grabbing at the fabric of his jacket.

“You don’t have to.” His hold on her tightened and he put a kiss on the top of her head, but her cries didn’t stop because the storm kept raging in her heart. For he had held another woman in his arms and he had promised her the same.


	19. Abnormal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set during the Missing Year. Red Queen.

They were back. Back in a land where she didn't belong. Where she was a monster.

And Regina was back under her apple tree where she was grieving. When she was alone.

She took a step, purposefully making it loud. She didn't want to sneak up on Regina who didn't even need that much of a reason to greet her with a fireball.

Regina's shoulders immediately tensed when she registered her presence. "I don't need a confidant," she said in a cold tone that was so forced that you didn't need to know her at all to tell it was pretense.

"Well, I need one."

Regina whirled around at the sound of her voice, her eyebrows raised as she demanded to know why it was her and not Snow as she'd expected, to know why she'd been caught off guard by someone she didn't even acknowledge. "And you came to me?" she asked when Ruby did not provide an answer to her silent question and only came to stand next to her.

"Snow and David can't help me," Ruby looked at the tree but her gaze was wandering just like her mind was racing. "They keep telling me it's fine but..."

"It's not," Regina finished for her, her voice quiet and full of pain that to Ruby sounded like understanding.

Ruby turned to look at her and the tears she saw in her eyes were proof that everything had changed. Because Regina was just as miserable as everyone else, if not more. But she didn't feel any different. "I still feel guilty," she said, a tear falling from her eye, as if in company of Regina's own. "For the people I hurt when I couldn't control my powers," she clarified. She wasn't certain Regina could understand. She wasn't even certain if Regina knew she'd had problems controlling the wolf. "Everyone keeps telling me that I shouldn't, that it's not my fault..." she trailed off. Even saying the words made her nauseous. Snow and David had been reassuring her with hope speeches and even Granny had growled at her to get a grip, and, quite frankly, she was sick of it.

"You feel the way you feel," Regina spoke quietly and Ruby wasn't quite certain if she was talking to her or to herself, but it made her heart skip a beat. She'd finally found someone who understood.

"How do I stop it?" she asked, the question finally having Regina look at her. "How do you deal with guilt?" she whispered, afraid of the answer. Because it was clear to her now that Regina had a heart but that hadn't stopped her from being a heartless monster. She'd been a monster because of it.

"How do you deal with grief?" Regina asked her instead, but that was an answer in itself. Because Ruby had been so caught up in feeling guilty that she hadn't found the time to grieve. She hadn't allowed herself to. She hadn't thought she had the right. She'd buried herself in guilt instead, while Regina had done the exact opposite – all grief and no guilt.

Ruby grabbed Regina's shoulder and pulled her in for a kiss, hoping that the grief on Regina's breath would replace the guilt in her lungs.

Regina was taken aback by the suddenness of it, but she kissed back with just as much fervor, probably too tired of grieving that she'd swap it for anyything else really.

She took them to her bedchamber, using her magic to speed up the process, and Ruby took the clothes off of her, leaving only the torn apart human beneath. This time it was different from all the times she'd done that in Storybrooke as she'd slept with countless people, looking for comfort even in her cursed persona, looking for something to assuage the guilt. But instead, it only made it worse when she used person after person for her own selfish needs and never felt sated.

But now it was different. Because Regina's own need for comfort was just as desperate and the two of them lost themselves into each other, drowning in both guilt and grief. And submerged in them they couldn't cry. They couldn't even breathe. They could only hold on to each other and let the silent understanding between them save them and allow them to breathe again.

And it was abnormal how safe she could feel with a monster in her bed, someone who knew what she was capable of but wasn't afraid of her because she'd done worse. Ruby wasn't Regina. She felt guilty for what little evil she'd done compared to Regina's dark deeds. But at least in Regina's embrace she could feel guilty without being judged for it. So she snuggled a little closer to Regina whose overflowing grief accompanied her guilt so well.


	20. Wrath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set after 5x01 "Dark Swan". Beauty Queen friendship with mentions of Rumbelle and Golden Queen.

Finally alone in her chamber, Belle had nothing else to do than stare at the rose Blue had given her. She'd come to Camelot with the full intention to help her friends but her mind kept drifting to Storybrooke through the rose. It reminded her of that first rose Rumple had given her. It had been at the very beginning of their romance and it made her fear the possibility of the rose she was currently looking at being the mark of its end. Even though she'd ended things between them, a part of her desperately wished to have stayed at Storybrooke where she would've been able to watch over Rumple and hold his hand through the whole ordeal whether it was the end or not. And then there was the other part that wished she'd never accepted the rose. Either one of them.

The simple gift in the form of a delicate flower had led to so much pain and misery. And love and happiness. And obstacles and prisons. And it would all end with the death of the rose. Still, Belle would will the petals back where they belonged if she could. The beautiful rose did not deserve to die just because of the ugly thorns it was burdened with that had drawn blood and tears, and a part of her very soul during the years. Yet, it was dying all the same.

A new petal fell off and the tears in Belle's eyes joined it, spilling down her cheeks. The rose was supposed to be her reassurance that Rumple was still alive. But every petal that fell off was like a knife in her heart because it carried the message that he was inching further away from her and closer to death. And the reason for that was the dagger he'd treasured more than her.

A knock on the door startled her, causing her head to snap up.

"Belle?" Regina's voice came from the other side.

Belle quickly wiped away the tears, grateful for the interruption. She'd come to help save Emma from the burden of the Dark One, not lament Rumple's own poor judgment while he'd been the one to carry it on his shoulders. "Come in," she said, the steadiness of her own voice surprising her.

The door quickly opened behind her and she heard Regina's heels click against the stone floor as she stepped into the room. "Can I talk to you?"

"Of course," Belle said as she spared one last glance at the rose before pushing it way into the back of her mind and turning to face Regina.

She had opened her mouth to speak but something she saw in Belle gave her momentary pause and Belle read the recognition on his face. Regina glimpsed at the rose and when she made sure he was okay, her attention turned back to Belle. "I wanted to apologize for taking your heart," she started, making the effort to look Belle in the eyes, but she was fidgeting with the ring she was wearing. "I... would've looked for you sooner but," she looked away, "something just keeps happening.

"It's fine," Belle said as she came closer and put a hand on Regina's own interrupting her fidgeting. She knew she'd been safe all the time. Neither Regina would've really tried to hurt her, nor Rumple would've let her do it. Yet, somehow, that knowledge only made the situation more twisted. She was eternally stuck in that war between them and always took the blows even though neither one of them wished to hurt her. "Why did you make me forget what happened?" she asked. "Was it because you didn't want me to be angry at you, or was that some attempt to protect me?" Knowing them, there was a high chance that the answer to that question would only complicate things further–and they were such a mess already–but Belle still wanted to hear it. She wanted to hear the whole story. She and her love for fables.

Regina looked at her, considering the question carefully before speaking. "I suppose it was a bit of both," she said, but despite the calm tone, Belle could still feel the underlying nervousness. "Belle, I'm really sorry but it was the only way." Regina clutched her hand as if her life depended on it and Belle had the feeling that that might not be that far from the truth.

"What did he do?" she asked, knowing that Regina would tell her the truth. That was the difference between her and Rumple. And it was the reason why she was currently holding Regina's hand and not Rumple's.

Regina hesitated. "He threatened to kill Robin if I didn't help him turn Emma dark."

"Of course he did." It was so like him. He always wanted everything and ended up destroying what he already had in the process. And that always meant her. "You should've told me, though," she said, unsettled by the fact that Regina had hidden the truth from her, that she'd treated her the same way Rumple had.

"What, you would've agreed to have your heart ripped out?" Regina sassed, jumping into defensive mode and pulling her hand out of Belle's.

"You said it yourself," Belle said gravely, "it was the only way." If it meant stopping Rumple from hurting anyone else, she would've gladly had her heart ripped out. What difference would it have made. He'd broken it time and time again, and yet, she still loved him. He'd gotten her involved in wars that didn't concern her, and yet, she still couldn't rip him out of her heart. And neither could Regina.

"Belle," Regina was looking at her as if she could see her soul and Belle realized that if there was anyone who could understand what she was going through it was Regina. "Don't blame yourself for loving him."

"You love him too?" she asked even though it sounded more like a statement.

Regina nodded, perhaps a bit warily, but Belle didn't pay attention to it, too preoccupied with the relief that flooded her. "I do. He means too much to me not to."

Belle stepped forward and wrapped her arms around Regina in a hug which she returned, even if a bit stiffly at first. But Belle was just glad to hear that she hadn't lost her mind, that her love for Rumple wasn't clouding her judgment. "Will he be okay?" she asked, not sure if she could handle the answer, but she needed it anyway. And Regina was the only one she trusted to tell her the truth.

"I don't know," Regina's chin dug into her shoulder as she was saying the hurtful words.

"Will we be okay?" Belle whispered in Regina's hair, the pain leaving her too out of breath for her to speak properly.

"I don't know," Regina whispered back as if afraid to speak up in case it turned out to be too much for Belle. Or maybe she was afraid it would be too much for her. Either way the words were still as harsh as they would've been if she'd shouted them out.

Still, her quiet tone purged all the wrath that Belle held against herself and the tears started falling freely now that she wasn't afraid of being judged for her sorrow.


	21. Poison

This chapter is posted as a separate fic on my account because I wanted to give it more exposure. Here's the summary:

Snow lost another mother, grief poisoning her life and drowning everything in black. The ground swallowed white and red to never let them out again. AU. Trigger warning for suicide.

And here's the link - https://archiveofourown.org/works/20263303


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